dotdash_dotdot (dotdash_dotdot) wrote in beautifulsi,

what's happening now

okay, so mrfuckyou, that's me, is having a bit of a rough time and its seeming like maybe the cutting would help.

this is different from some of the other times (its been years), when cutting was the urge and the major solution or that acting out. its just that it seems like there cant be something worse than this, thirtytwo years old and feeling this way, like reaching out in all direction and full or weird urges, but not really acting on any of them and kind of feeling alien like when mr fuck you was a teenager.

and so with the second adolescence and the realization that nothing is going well for mrfuckyou (and mr fuckyou even hates big similes) like falling down a well, the whole life so disconnected and far away and maybe the cut would put mr fuck you back on cat one. or back to where mr fuck you wants to be. but actually it would put mr fuckyou back a long time ago. because mr fuckyou is an adult now, and not the subject of emo hair jokes or tickle me emo jokes. he makes jokes. he doesnt enact htem.
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